apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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