THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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