so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
