I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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