At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
