3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
