I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
