Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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