i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
