I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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