I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize