He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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