Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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