I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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