I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
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