How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
