you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i think my cat just said my name.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
