Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
