dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
bring money and cleavage
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
