Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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