halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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