I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
