just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
