Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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