just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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