The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Can Purell be used as lube?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
