Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
