How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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