the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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