Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize