What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
