Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
