Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Randomize