I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
