If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
