When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
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