I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
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