Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Do vagina's smell?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
