as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
