and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
