at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
