Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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