i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
one might say we're banned from that church
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
And then my night got REAL pukey
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
