I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
