I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize