i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
