Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
