your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
