At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
