Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
