YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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