Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
