I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I forget how to act sober
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