erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
