i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
