Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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