He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
