worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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