I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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