I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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