this beer tastes like vomit already
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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