everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
