I faked an abortion last night.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
