You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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