a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You're like the curious george of whores
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize