Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize