Moan for me like Helen Keller
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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