I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
